Not meant to be.

[Written on the 2nd of Feb. of 08]

Me and this whole blogging thing just don't seem to be getting along. Our bond seems to be fading, fading fast. I think about ways to make it better, quite often actually. Unfortunately, my thoughts and actions have been on distinctly different pages these days. Clearly, not this page. Let's see, November 26. That was, what, 9 weeks ago? I've been home almost 3 months. Wow. Should I event attempt to sum up the last 9 weeks? What a [expletive] task. Hmmm. I'm certain I can't remember it all. Work Christmas parties. A visit from my friend Carrie and her daughter Natalie. Donating our annual change jar sum to charity. Being awoken to yells and sounds of water pouring onto our downstairs floor. Oven catching fire as I was warming dinner (no replacement part locally, thus no oven for the Holidays!). Grandpa being in hospital for almost an entire month- a couple very, very close calls. Went in the 13th of December, out the 11th of January for good, we hope. Yes, the man's almost 88, but when he's climbing his ladder to clean off his roof just a few days prior, you take for granted to the unbelievable health he has been blessed with thus far. It was a shock, a huge shock. And at a bad time. Not that there's ever a good time for illness, but we'd also taken for granted relative health amongst family during the holidays. It was an unusual feeling not having him around, something I hope, pray, we don't have to deal with again any time soon. People jokingly remarked "you came home just in time." This in reference to my chaufering skills, being an appointment taker-toer, drug fetcher, banana and milk getter, oxygen tank changer-outer, etc. Folks, this is why I came home. I couldn't have been happier than to be able to do the things I was. I am a disposable body currently, as was used as such, quite to my content. I spent hours with my grandmother, many more than I would have otherwise. Nobody can take those away from me- I just don't know what people do who don't have family to rally around them. It has been incredible despite far from incredible happenings. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Written March 17, 2008]

Now... It's the middle of March. Still, quite some time since my last thoughts even began to make it to paper, errrr, computer screen. Again, a lot has happened. Housesitting, babysitting, life-plan searching, enjoying family, etc. Perhaps most importantly is a lot of Carolina-winnin. That's another story for another time. It's ridiculous how important basketball is to some of us this time of year. Really ridiculous. But then not so much when you think about it. UAA just might be gettin a taste of how remarkable a role sports can play in bringing together people in a world where there aint a whole lot of that goin on. But anyways, I could devote another blog to that, and perhaps I just might. Surrrrrrre... you're thinkin.... I know.

These last several weeks I have enjoyed the celebration of my grandfather's 88th birthday. Enjoyed being able to see my incredibly talented, soccer playing fool of a younger sister of mine's soccer games. And even better, being able to take my niece and nephew to my incredibly talented, soccer playing fool of a younger sister of mine's soccer game. It was awesome. She's having such and incredible year playing and I was bummed to not have been able to make it to many games these past few years. She's a hard worker (on the field) and it shows. They haven't lost a game yet and I hope it continues. My niece and nephew are just awesome. No lack of personality here for sure. It's just so cool to see them grow and to begin to understand the little things that make up our vast, vast world. It's refreshing for sure. Their troubles are so simple, their possibilities so endless. They seem to have provided for relief in the hardest of times. They are the center of attention regardless of what might be going on.

Clearly I still have no job. Oh I'm such a failure to some. I find that humorous, life teaching. I'm at a loss for words at the advice or statements people have for me upon finding out I am still job-less. Most are 50-something. Have kids (most with kids unsuccessful in their own right). Been in the same jobs for their whole career. Haven't left the U.S., much less the state of North Carolina for more than an unfulfilling, germ-packed cruise to the Bahamas. That's fine, but please don't judge me. I shouldn't care, I know. But for some reason, I do. You don't know me, my situation, my willingness to work 70 hrs a week for almost 10 months so that I could enjoy time home with my family for as long as I desired. Thanks though for your concern, thanks. It's much appreciated. Get back to your boring, predictable, un-fulfilling life if that's the game you want to play. I'm living the life I want to live, how bout you? Yea, thanks. I don't know, I'm babbling on. I should stop now.

Currently, I am in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. It's but a few miles away from Destin, quite the Spring Break destination spot. Unfortunately so. Fortunately, however, I am spending time with my friend, Carrie, and her family. I looked into driving here. 1600 miles and 350 imaginary dollars later, I chose to take the Greyhound Bus. It would only set me back 100 bucks round-trip. More importantly, it would be a new experience I had yet to have. The Greyhound has been around quite some time. My parents, and even grandparents shared their experiences in riding the bus back in the day. I was quite anxious, and even a bit nervous in my first bus trip through the S.E. U.S. I had no clue as to how busy or packed the buses would be. How transfers worked, whether I would make all my connections, etc. My sister dropped me off at the bus station in Raleigh at 10 p.m. Tuesday night. I was to depart around 11 p.m. It should be noted that the bus station in Raleigh shares a building with Raleigh Police Department. More on that later, to the contrary. I was for sure in the minority, ethnicity-wise. I was also in the minority- bus ignorance wise. I didn't have a clue what to do. Where to check my bag, which magic door to stand behind, etc. I stood in the wrong line for 15 minutes before training my eyes to other bus riding ignorant folk such as myself. I focused my attention to a Japanese family just a few feet away. I could not speak their language but I could read their body language. They too were confused. Perhaps they are less afraid to make the wrong move as they made no hesitation to head towards the food counter. Is that really where you 'check' your bag I thought? Surely not. Indeed it was. I was wrong. I quickly made my way to that line, just behind them. I listened as the employee gave them direction and when it came my time, was as confident as I could be in what I was to do next. To my surprise, my bags never went through security, never were scanned in any way, shape, or form. I got into the next line, hoping the bus would be here any minute. It was, indeed. I did not have to wait long and soon enough we were on the road. On the Greyhound, you are responsible for your own luggage, making sure to take it off one bus and placing it on the next. I feel much better doing this, actually. I was in for a 19 hour ride, from Raleigh to Fort Walton Beach. I was to make stops in Durham, Greensboro, Winston Salem, Charlotte, Atlanta, Opelika, Tuskegee, Montgomery, Mobile, and Pensacola. Oh yea, a couple other gas stations treated as bus stations along the way. Two honks, if no activity, we're onwards. It took 19 hours, yes, but only about 4 more than if I were able to drive the full 800 miles alone, without stopping. Unlikely. It wasn't too bad. I met a lot of interesting individuals for sure. People who have had anything bus easy, simple, lives. From Atlanta on, I had my own seat which made the trip quite bearable. I was able to accumulate a few hours of sleep along the way. I will speak more on the people I met later. It was interesting, for sure, with each stop bringing about new experiences and new faces. I never once was scared, felt threatened, or was un-easy about the lack of security. At no point (with the exception of Mobile, AL where I was wanded by a man making false beeping noises with his mouth as he moved his wand about, over twenty-something young girls making their way onto the bus) was I, or my bags, ever scanned.

Tomorrow I head home. I leave Florida at around 5 and will arrive in Raleigh at around noon on Wednesday. 18 hour, roughly, journey. This trip will take me to Panama City, Tallahassee, Jacksonville, Savannah, Fayetteville, and who knows what other gas stations along the way. A different route, at least. I look forward to it and the experiences it will bring. I hope it goes as smoothly as my first trip, though one never knows I have learned.

I will write back shortly. March Madness is but the most important time of the year around this part of the country. I will be rooting on my Tarheels and other local teams as they battle it out. I am getting up in just a few hours to watch the sunrise here on the Gulf Coast. It will be my last time for quite a while, I imagine. Keep checking back... it will happen eventually! Another post that is... Adios.